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Dear John LJ,
We need to talk.
I've been blogging off and on for a decade. I've had public blogs and group-specific blogs and friends-only blogs. Filtering the public out of blogging never quite sat well with me, so when I moved over to this journal I decided it was going to be mostly open. I had spent a lot of time closely guarding my words at that point, wanting to only talk to people I loved, and a public blog felt like a liberation and a homecoming all at once. It was good.
Part of that was simply a loss of narcissism. I suddenly realized that I could babble on about whatever I wanted and, at the end of the day, it meant very little. It wasn't going to sink any ships, it wasn't going to out any government secrets. People might cheer me on or get butthurt, but really... I was a housewife with a couple of kids. Why the hell would anyone (especially some random stranger surfing my blog) really care what I think?
Having my LJ out in the open has allowed some people who don't have LJs to read (hi, I know you're there) and let those lazy asses who do have LJs but don't feel like logging in (I know who you are, too) still keep up with me. It also had the fun and exciting benefit of letting people who have beef with me read what's going on in my life. Because, really, if you're going to hate me, you're going to hate ME, dammit. All of it, not just whatever's got your knickers in a twist.
So, I've gotten into the mindset that things go behind filters only for Very Good Reasons. If I want to post something, but feel uncomfortable just putting it out there for the world at large for no good reason, I just don't post it.
Now, though, I'm potentially on the verge of doing some very interesting things. I've gotten involved with all sorts of crap, generally in a peripheral sort of way, but my name is still connected to things that are going to probably be big. Things that are probably going to be serious business. And when I think about clients (or, gods forbid, investors) coming across this journal and connecting it to me, it does not give me warm fuzzies.
Not because I say anything offensive, mind. Not because I'm ashamed of anything I've written here. But I feel like there's a difference between "Manda the girl who babbles about housework and kinda wants to feed her kids to alligators today" and SuperSerious Woman Involved With This Business Venture. I can be both, mind, but everyone else might not know that. And I don't want them looking at the parts of me that I might not exactly be interested in showing them.
I don't know if that makes sense outside of my head. Once I was with Sooj and some other people in Applebee's, and I was wearing wrap pants. When you sit down, wrap pants kinda show quite a bit of leg, but I wasn't really studying on it until this religious convention that was in town showed up for a late dinner. They were sneering and judgmental and rude. I shifted around and held my pants together just so and ate with one hand. Sooj said, "You don't have to do that for them."
I had to explain that I wasn't covering up to avoid their judgment or to avoid offending them. I was covering up because, well, people who are rude to waitstaff don't get to look at my legs.
Kinda the same thing here. People I interact with in a business setting don't get to look at my weird dreams and inner fears and overwhelming love for cute fuzzy things. That's why I haven't been posting much lately, and it's why I've thought very hard about just giving up on LJ altogether. (I immediately disregarded that, however, because what would I DO when I was bored? Housework? Pshaw.)
I hate to say it, but I think it's time for us to be just friends(only).
-M
(I'll probably pull this down and put up a generic message later, but I wanted one last shot at being open with the public before I go quiet.)
We need to talk.
I've been blogging off and on for a decade. I've had public blogs and group-specific blogs and friends-only blogs. Filtering the public out of blogging never quite sat well with me, so when I moved over to this journal I decided it was going to be mostly open. I had spent a lot of time closely guarding my words at that point, wanting to only talk to people I loved, and a public blog felt like a liberation and a homecoming all at once. It was good.
Part of that was simply a loss of narcissism. I suddenly realized that I could babble on about whatever I wanted and, at the end of the day, it meant very little. It wasn't going to sink any ships, it wasn't going to out any government secrets. People might cheer me on or get butthurt, but really... I was a housewife with a couple of kids. Why the hell would anyone (especially some random stranger surfing my blog) really care what I think?
Having my LJ out in the open has allowed some people who don't have LJs to read (hi, I know you're there) and let those lazy asses who do have LJs but don't feel like logging in (I know who you are, too) still keep up with me. It also had the fun and exciting benefit of letting people who have beef with me read what's going on in my life. Because, really, if you're going to hate me, you're going to hate ME, dammit. All of it, not just whatever's got your knickers in a twist.
So, I've gotten into the mindset that things go behind filters only for Very Good Reasons. If I want to post something, but feel uncomfortable just putting it out there for the world at large for no good reason, I just don't post it.
Now, though, I'm potentially on the verge of doing some very interesting things. I've gotten involved with all sorts of crap, generally in a peripheral sort of way, but my name is still connected to things that are going to probably be big. Things that are probably going to be serious business. And when I think about clients (or, gods forbid, investors) coming across this journal and connecting it to me, it does not give me warm fuzzies.
Not because I say anything offensive, mind. Not because I'm ashamed of anything I've written here. But I feel like there's a difference between "Manda the girl who babbles about housework and kinda wants to feed her kids to alligators today" and SuperSerious Woman Involved With This Business Venture. I can be both, mind, but everyone else might not know that. And I don't want them looking at the parts of me that I might not exactly be interested in showing them.
I don't know if that makes sense outside of my head. Once I was with Sooj and some other people in Applebee's, and I was wearing wrap pants. When you sit down, wrap pants kinda show quite a bit of leg, but I wasn't really studying on it until this religious convention that was in town showed up for a late dinner. They were sneering and judgmental and rude. I shifted around and held my pants together just so and ate with one hand. Sooj said, "You don't have to do that for them."
I had to explain that I wasn't covering up to avoid their judgment or to avoid offending them. I was covering up because, well, people who are rude to waitstaff don't get to look at my legs.
Kinda the same thing here. People I interact with in a business setting don't get to look at my weird dreams and inner fears and overwhelming love for cute fuzzy things. That's why I haven't been posting much lately, and it's why I've thought very hard about just giving up on LJ altogether. (I immediately disregarded that, however, because what would I DO when I was bored? Housework? Pshaw.)
I hate to say it, but I think it's time for us to be just friends(only).
-M
(I'll probably pull this down and put up a generic message later, but I wanted one last shot at being open with the public before I go quiet.)
thoughtful
now, though, i'd really hate to be a liability for the people i'm getting involved with. so i kept opening the lj box, thinking "would i want an investor to read this?" and closing it again. :P
I went private b/c an ex b/f decided to stalk me. Fun stuff.
Oh, wait, no-- the opposite of that. Yeah.
:)
and also, i'm just making it all friends only and not doing any cuts. you have to stick around! BWAH HAHAHA!
brb - slouching. LOL.
the hardest part is coming up with interesting names, really. i mean, if you're OCD about ~meanings~ and ~implications~ like i am.
I love ootching. It is a great word.
And names have power. I am not a big ol' crystal cruncher, but I still believe that.
Now give me back my soul, you bitch. Just because I told you my name doesn't mean you get to wander around with my ephemeral parts.
... what? *innocent look*
:)
My life is boring, too. Work, school, mother, wife, wash, rinse, repeat.
i think that you're going to find part of what i'm up to interesting, when i get around to corralling my own internet presence enough to blab about it!
What business?
and we shall talk business at a later date! (there's actually a few, but i'm waiting on one to update their website with some stuff before i send everyone over thataway.)
:P
NOT that i'm going to be as e-famous as you are. but it's still good to separate right now, i think.
I've still thought about it more just to maybe start writing real thoughts again. I used to once upon a time, and now it's this superficial random place I type about mostly surfaces. I think I miss when I didn't really know all the people on my FL well enough that my words would end up fodder for gossip because who gossips about someone they don't know? I don't really want to defriend a bunch of people b/c I'd still like to follow them. So I guess I should actually use those filters I set up so long ago more often. And use that "private" setting for all the things I sometimes feel like typing out that I don't feel I can say out loud to people.